Heartbeat
by Finn21
Summary: An alternate look at the events that happened toward the end of ep. 316 With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept. NH


**A/N:** An alternate look at the events that happened toward the end of (ep. 316) "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept". Many thanks to all my lovely lovelies, just because. You guys know who you are.

**Heartbeat **

_What is the absence of sound?_

Haley could remember Mr. Patterson discussing that question in AP English yesterday. Not the one Jimmy had. No, English for her was last period with Lucas. They sat together toward the front of the room by the windows. It was nice. Peaceful even. Sometimes they would speak quietly, secretly, almost conspiratorially to each other like when they were kids. Like they had their own special language no one else could understand. It was just the two of them between 2:30 and 3:30pm. Just them and books.

Well...excluding the times that Mr. Patterson expected them to pay attention to his lectures. Those times usually put a crimp in their otherwise blissful hour. Last Thursday had been particularly bad on account of the fact that they were discussing Faulkner's, _As I Lay Dying_, and no one loved Faulkner quite like Lucas did. He practically made a shrine to the man when he first discovered _The Sound and the Fury_, back in 7th grade, as Haley remembered all to fondly and thus often teased him about profusely. So when Mr. Patterson began his lecture of the day on their new reading and its author, it was all Lucas could do to NOT make snide comments to Haley about their teacher's lack of knowledge in all things Faulkner-esque.

Of course halfway through the period Mr. Patterson had taken notice of Lucas's insistent chatter and asked him to stay after class. Lucas did, and when Haley had called him later that night she'd asked what had happened with Patterson.

_"The dick's making me write an essay," Lucas grumbled into the receiver of his phone. _

Haley rolled her eyes. "He's not a dick just because he called you out on talking, Luke. I mean, come on, it was a bit much. Even for you."

"Well, if the guy knew what in the hell he was talking about I wouldn't have said anything. But he didn't."

"Fine, whatever. I'm not arguing with you about this. Tell me what you have to write your essay on. Maybe I can help, grouchy."

A pause and then a long sigh. "He said since I wasn't paying enough attention to the lecture today, I have to write a 1000 words answering the question: What is the absence of sound?"

Haley laughed. "Gotta love the irony."

"Oh, bite me," Lucas replied and Haley laughed again.

It was such an abstract question.

_What is the absence of sound?_

What did it even mean? Haley didn't know. And she didn't know why she was thinking about it at a time like this either.

It was ridiculous.

She felt ridiculous. Tears springing up in her eyes every few minutes like their was a busted reservoir inside of her, leaking out slow, slow, slowly.

She grasped Nathan's hand tighter in hers, tried to will away the urge to choke out a sob. She had to be strong now, had to hold it together...for Nathan and everyone else in the room. Becoming all emotional would only trigger more panic within the others, it would only further irritate Jimmy. It would only cause the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach to grow.

No, she had to keep it together.

_One...two...three...four...five._

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Haley felt Nathan's thumb rub softly over the top of her hand. His eyes were trained on the linoleum floor at their feet, his mind off thinking other thoughts, maybe averaging the latest college box scores in his head. She knew he liked to do that when he was nervous.

The room went quiet for a moment. Shallow breaths could be heard below Jimmy's pacing foot steps, and still...Haley could only feel the pad of Nathan's thumb rubbing soothing circles into her flesh. He was with her.

He'd found her. Oh, thank God. _Thank you God._

The thought was enough to make her want to weep; to want to push her face into the crook of his neck, smell his skin, just mold herself into his arms, into his entire body. She just wanted to touch him all over, cover him with as much of herself as physically possible. Then, maybe then she could protect him from whatever Jimmy might decide to do.

"You shouldn't have come back for me. I love you for doing it but...I wish you were safe," she said and Nathan met her eyes. Resolute.

"I don't want to be safe without you."

Haley could hear the promise in his voice, let it give her strength.

Jimmy watched them disdainfully.

"I heard what you said Scott. In the time capsule...about Haley. Guys like you can get away with it."

"Oh, guys like me, huh? You can pass judgement on guys like me all you want, but somebody stereotypes you and there's gunplay?"

"Whatever. Your worse day in this place would be my best day!"

"Okay. Okay, maybe so. Alright. Maybe it is easier for me and my friends. But you know that doesn't make what you're doing right, does it? This is wrong man, all of this, and I think you know that."

She tried to block out their words, tried to think of something else. Pray for quiet maybe. Hope for this all to be over. It wasn't that she didn't agree with what Nathan was saying, she knew what Jimmy was doing was wrong, but she didn't want Nathan provoking him. Every time that gun was pointed in his direction her heart felt like it might burst into a million pieces. Her hand couldn't shield him. Wishing be damned.

_Just let this be over_, she prayed. _Just let it be over. I just want to go home._

Behind her, Haley could hear Abby shift against the wall. She looked so pale, so lifeless sitting on the floor. Haley moved to her, saw the silver slip of a chain around her wrist, told Jimmy she needed to leave.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion now, like things were coming to an end. Maybe it was more wishful thinking on her part, but as she watched Abby disappear from the room a sense of hope began to fill her. Maybe things were going to be okay. Jimmy was a good person on the inside. He was. She'd seen it in him. He didn't want to hurt them. He didn't. He couldn't. Good people. He was a good person.

He was.

He was.

He...

"I promise you. Whoever steps into that hallway is going to die."

Somewhere off in the distance a door slammed shut and the yelling began again. The hope began to dim and flicker like a candle in a dark night.

"I guess that's my cue."

"Don't."

"Just stop. Change it. Don't do this."

"Please, Jim. Just turn yourself in."

"It don't have to be like this, dawg."

"Yeah, I think it does."

"Jimmy..."

"You know they're going to remember me as a monster. I wonder how they'll remember all of you."

And then he was gone and all Haley could think was that she hadn't eaten breakfast that morning, and wasn't that weird?

Nathan had. Lucky Charms and a green apple. Haley had teased him about how he was negating all the nutritional value of the apple by following it up with a sugar coated breakfast cereal. He'd laughed and told her she could have his hearts if she wanted them. The pink marshmallow hearts were always her least favorite. Give her blue moons any day.

"_I'm not eating your soggy marshmallows, that's gross." _

He chuckled knowingly at her scrunched up expression and scooped a spoonful of his cereal out of his bowl, held it up in front of her face. "Ah, come on, Hales. You know you want my hearts. Their magically delicious."

She rolled her eyes and batted at the air in front of the spoon. "No means no, Nathan. Didn't you learn that from McGruff, the crime fighting dog?"

He laughed. "The crime fighting what? Nevermind. I don't want to know," he shook his head, brought the spoon back to his mouth and inhaled the bite of cereal. Haley watched him in fascination as he finished off the rest of the bowl in a mere ten seconds before wiping his mouth with a satisfied grin.

"Mmm. That was good. I think I'll have another," he reached for the box of Lucky Charms, but Haley pulled it out of his reach and put it back in the Scott pantry.

"Nuh uh. One is enough for you Mister. If you're still hungry have another apple."

"You're so bossy. Did you know that you're this bossy?"

"I'm not bossy, I'm just..."

Nathan's mouth curved into a smile. "Just what?

"Just...oh shut your mouth and eat another apple," she bit, reaching into the fruit bowl, grabbing the green fruit, walking right up next to where Nathan was sitting at the island in the kitchen and shoving the apple at his chest.

He immediately folded his hands around hers and yanked her towards him. "You know I love it when you're bossy, right?" He breathed this into her ear, letting his lips graze against the corner of her jaw.

Haley shivered at the contact, forced out a quiet scoff. Nathan smiled into her hair and pulled her closer.

"No, I do. I love it when your so bossy and domineering. Gets me all hot bothered," he whispered, his voice husky, raspy and low. Her body hummed at the sound.

"Hot and bothered, huh?" She replied breathlessly back to him, let the apple in her hand fall to the ground as she wrapped her arms around her husband's neck. He nodded happily, his ocean blue eyes heavy lidded with want.

"That's right."

"Guess we'll have to see what we can do about that, won't we," she licked her lips, her gaze wandering to the wall clock on the west side of the kitchen. They still had twenty minutes before they had to leave. That was more than enough time. More than enough.

"Don't have to ask me twice," he grinned, scooping his wife up in his arms quickly, and setting her down on the kitchen counter in front of him.

As their mouths met, she impatiently reached for his belt. He hiked her legs up, pulling her jeans along for the ride. They'd been expressing their love this way for so long now it seemed, it had become ritual.

The door to the tutor center clicked closed. Haley stared at the empty space Jimmy had been just seconds before with a numb sense of detachment. This wasn't her life. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening, could it?

Her mind raced with thoughts that had no linear pattern or tangential connection. Scattered images in her head followed by random moments in time. She knew her History paper for Ms. Wilson's class was due next Thursday and she only had one page left to write. Did Ms. Wilson want a bibliography with that? She couldn't remember.

Her sister Quinn had left her a voicemail about stopping by to see her in a few weeks and would she be available to hang out? She needed to do laundry, all of her socks were dirty and Nathan had been wearing the same pajama shorts to bed for three nights in a row, and she really hated when he did that, but _God_, he never did his own laundry. Why didn't he ever do his own laundry? It wasn't that hard to figure out.

Was it?

_Was it?_

A comforting arm came around her back, causing her to fall against Nathan's chest. She leaned into the crook of his shoulder, felt his grip on her flesh tighten. He was afraid. She could feel it, though she knew he was trying his damned hardest to fight it, or maybe just hide it. The entire world was spinning off its axis. Everything was wrong. _This wasn't the way it was supposed to be._ She wanted to whisper that into Nathan's ear, hold him close, help him forget any of this had ever happened, because...because if he was okay, then she would be okay.

Haley opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

She tried again and...nothing. It didn't make sense. None of this made sense.

She placed her left hand over his heart, let her eyes flutter closed as it beat quickly beneath her fingers. For an instant the entire world fell away and all that was left was her and Nathan and the rapid beating of his heart, strong, alive...hers.

_Nathan tickled her waist as she kissed him long and slow and severe. Her body glided against his and there was a snap moment –– when their eyes met –– that they knew. They knew everything about each other, their bodies and their minds and everything else in between. _

Her thighs ignited against the flesh of his hips and she moaned in time with his thrusts. His warm fingers padded fiercely into her back –– branding her as his own. She melted, boneless, breathless into his arms and she thought in that instant, she'd rather die than live without him inside her body.

His heartbeat was wild and strong –– quick. So much faster than hers. Beautiful. Better.

Haley shuddered as the cool air began to filter through the glowing haze that surrounded them. Her skin was sticky with sweat that was now starting to dry and Nathan's breath sent chills down her spine like a promise for more.

It couldn't stay like this forever. Quiet mornings spent eating breakfast in the Scott kitchen, making love on the counter, on the floor, on the stairs, quiet laughs falling into heated kisses on the doorstep before school. There were only so many more months before graduation, then the summer, and then real life. College was waiting, practically calling out for them, and Haley knew they would answer. But for now she wanted to hold onto something solid, something strong, and beautiful and better. She laid a feather light kiss to his jaw, ran her fingers up and down his back like a rake. He groaned into her ear, pulled her tighter into his body like he was trying to crawl inside her skin.

He breathed against her forehead, the words spilling out of his mouth easily.

"I love you."

The sound disintegrated with blood flow and heartbeats –– the afterglow. Eyes full of lust and passion. Haley knew this moment was only temporary.

The gun blast echoed through the halls with a low pitched timbre. The entire earth seemed to shake beneath its sound, or maybe it was just the trembling of her body within Nathan's arms.

She couldn't breathe. No one moved.

A minute passed. Then another. And just as air began to fill her lungs, her vision clearing, she heard it. The faint whisper of a name being called from outside of the room. A masked shout traveling through layers of concrete, metal, and wood.

"Dan!" A voice rang out and Nathan's head jolted upright, the pupils of his eyes shrinking, sharpening, almost instantaneously. He stared at the door blankly for a beat, blinked twice.

"Dad?"

Haley could feel something tight and ineffable begin to coil and curl within her stomach. She reached up to brush her hand across his face, but he was already up and moving towards the door, away from her.

"Nathan?" She grabbed a hold of his forearm and tried in vain to pull him back to her. It was futile.

"I have to see what's going on out there," he said, his voice distant. Haley dug her fingernails into his arm. This didn't feel right. This wasn't right.

"Nathan, no. It's not safe," she pleaded, cradling his arm to her chest as if that arm was the most precious thing she'd ever held.

He met her gaze then, softly pulled out of her grasp. "Stay here, okay. I'll be right back."

Her eyes widened. "No! If you're going, then I'm going."

"Haley, please," he begged, casting her a look she'd never seen before. One filled with fear and love and desperation. "Please...stay here. I have to go."

She didn't know why but she nodded up at him numbly, felt him rub his thumb briefly over her cheek, watched him slip out of the room.

Ten seconds passed. Maybe more. Maybe less. Then she was out the door running down the halls to find him, yank him back into the tutoring center kicking and screaming if she had to. She stopped as she turned the corner to the hall that lead to the library.

Nathan was standing in front of the broken double doors, shattered glass glittering beneath his feet. She heard some muffled scuffling.

Then...

Another shot rang out from beyond the same doors and before Haley could call out, before she could move, or feel the bullet pierce his heart, she saw him fall limply to the ground.

Time seemed to shift into slow motion again as she ran to his side, her legs giving out as she crumpled beside him.

The blood from the wound started as a small circle the size of a penny, that bloomed into a dark red saucer seeping into the cloth of his shirt. Her entire body went cold. Nathan's eyes were closed. He wasn't moving. Wasn't breathing. She wasn't breathing. Didn't want to be breathing.

From behind her someone began to sob as mindless expletives were shouted from another voice.

It all dissolved away.

Her body grew calmly still. She pressed the side of her head against his beautiful chest, felt warm blood sink into her skin. She listened for Nathan's heartbeat. The rapid THUMP, THUMP, THUMP of his pulse beginning to ebb and flow like the tide then slow, slow, slowly break.

Again.

Again.

Again.

_Ththumpththumpththumpththumpththump._ _Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-----thump. Th------------thump. Th-----------------------------thump._

She tried to scream. She tried to move. She pressed her face harder against his chest, mumbling out incoherent words. He didn't move.

He wasn't going to move.

The world faded to black underneath her closed eyes.

All she could think about was that same question.

_What is the absence of sound?_

_What is the absence of ?_

_What is the absence?_

_What is the? _

_What is?_

_What?_

Silence.


End file.
